I love you

God is so good!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I am reminded of how great God is daily. I loved, lusted, and lost.

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

             I just found out how God use people around us to reveal to us our hearts desires, and how true we are to him. God allowed me to go through three important phases, that I’ve truly learned a valuable lesson from and so glad God put me through it to learn from it. I am so pleased God used the person he used to show me how to love God stronger.

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

          Often as the flesh we want what we want and forget we need to want what God want for us, we think we can make the right decisions for our lives.

     God reminded me I need to want what God wants for me. With emotions and fleshly temptations we know what God is telling us, but we try to tell God “Wait, no hold on, let me just see where this goes God, I am still for you Father in Heaven but!...”  We see with our eyes and want with our hearts, we think if we could just have what we want then we could be happy.

          This is how God revealed to me how wonderful he is, I met an Amazing Mad Lovable man, then I broke up with him because I just knew it was wrong to love him the way I loved him. It seemed so right when I knew in my heart it was wrong God kept telling me over and over

"So are you going to start listening to me or what, now look at you these thoughts, this reaction, and the way you’re acting"

God kept showing me the signs and I refused to accept the signs. I lost my cell phone 2 phones, got into a carwreck, phone got cut off, dropped my laptop had to get a new one, and transmission went out in my car.

             

                                                  So. 

                I was missing him, I desired to talk to him, I wanted to feel his touch, and I wanted him so bad. It was a bad feeling I was like "this guy" , sadly we started back talking, against God's will, and I had the nerves to pray about it and God surely God revealed to me how God is in control of everything and everyone and sadly the guy and I broke up again, and  my heart was broken for a moment.

Psalm 38:3 There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin

                        So I dove into the bible to find answers asking to why, why am I always trusting people and getting hurt. I wanted to know why I was hurt God always reveal the truth to me, but, at that time I didn’t want to see or hear the truth because I was so happy someone loved me and I loved them back. I had went through a period of being emotionless, not capable of loving anyone or having feelings for anyone on an adult level.

                   I am so saved by God because the thoughts are just as bad as the actions, and God knows how bad I wanted to act on the thoughts of him that brought joy to my heart at that moment. I was mad because I know what I want for myself isn’t right and it will never be right, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t trust God when God was telling me on every level it was going to end up wrong. I was mad because I feel like I can't trust God and I know God only want what's right for me.
              
                I love God for loving me so much, God reveal the truth to me even when he knows it will hurt me but it’s all done in love and I wasn’t hurt as bad as I thought I was, after my commune with God it was all ok.  

Psalm 84:2 My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the LORD: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.

               This experience has brought me closer and closer to God, I am so Glad God allowed me to go through it, to learn from it and become stronger. I give God all the praise and all the glory for teaching me to love myself, and to love him stronger.

Jeremiah 32:27 Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?

All I can say is I trust you Father in Heaven strip away from me the desires that are not of you. I know there is nothing too hard for God. I know if it is from God it is good. I know if I wait on God, and not rely on my own desires in the end I will get a greater blessing.

God forgive me please!

When I tell you God works God works. God is so Good!

Psalm 38:5
"My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness."

            I gained a tadbid information about myself a flaw I never really knew AFFECTED my personality in a negative way. I have to ask God to give me the strength to work on because it is one of his main sins.

2 Corinthians 11:17
"That which I speak, I speak it not after the Lord, but as it were foolishly, in this confidence of boasting."

James 4:16
"But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil."

            *THESE PEOPLE JUST DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I TRULY LOVE THEM, BECAUSE GOD REALLY USED THEM TO REVEAL TO ME MY FAULTS/FLAWS AND WEAKNESSES THAT I NEED TO WORK ON.*
          I LOVE YOU GUYS AND GALS, MEN AND WOMEN, I APOLOGIZE. I WILL SHOUT IT FROM EVERY MOUNTAIN TOP IF I HAVE TO BECAUSE I WAS WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF INFRONT OF STRANGERS BECAUSE I WAS WRONG FOR THE UNGODLY OUTBURST, BOASTING, AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT DID NOT GIVE YOU THE GLORY GOD.

Thank you God for using strangers that love me more than I loved myself, more than my blood family loved me. My own family fights with each other, talks about one another behind their backs, steals from each other, and competes with each other daily, they put each other down, and try to control each others every move.

The AA1 family has never ever done that, no matter how mad many of them get with me, still they have never treated me as bad as my blood family, they tell me the truth and revealed to me what I have not seen in myself. This family that you have revealed to me still loves me no matter what. Even when I give up on myself they don't give up on me. God I don't know how to love anyone else except for my son, he is the only one that has ever loved me for me and my faults.

 God you truly revealed to me the love this wonderful group of people have for me.

God you are truly good. Thank you Father in heaven for loving me more than I love myself. I never felt love from anyone like the love I get from the AA1 family, no matter what I put many of them through they still love me, they still come to me with respect, even after the disrespect, and don't sugar coat anything.

“Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:” Isaiah 26:4 KJV

I don't even know how to apologize to the ones I have hurt the most, my heart is broken right now. Father in heaven please take control over this situation, take control over me, and reveal to my AA1 family how grateful I am to them for allowing you to reveal your love to me.

Daniel 9:9
"To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him"

I am so sorry God, please forgive me. Please allow them to forgive me God please.

Love and let Go

                            Tyler Perry is so right his message came at the time I needed it. I have been going through so much, with my divorce, my family and so called friends lately. I have a problem with forgiving. It seem so hard to forgive after someone has wronged me.
         I began to have hate stored up. I didn't hate my ex husband, I did hate my mom but I hated myself, I guess I hated myself for me allowing them to come into my heart and hurting me so bad. That hate I had for myself I would project on to others.
        
         My divorce was final on Wednesday, September 19, 2012 of last week and it is like a big weight lifted off me. I loved him for the fact we have a child together but after all we went through I didn't and do not love him as a person on a personal level. When the judge said it was over all of a sudden I felt this feeling of joy a feeling I hadn't felt in years. I felt happy, I felt like smiling, I felt like I was the beautifulest woman to ever walk the earth. I felt as if God opened the gates of heaven and was like "It doesn't get any better than this"  I felt God holding my hand and asking me to trust him from now on. I can say I love my ex as a brother in Christ but nothing more.

Isaiah 38:17
Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.

         It took a long time for me to forgive him for all the pain and all the mischievousness,  I tell you God used so many people around me to save me, to teach me to love and forgive. It wasn't that they were "christian people", it wasn't the positive things, and it wasn't the advice. I truly tell you it was the negativity I seen in the people around me that forced me to forgive those that wronged me, because I was able to see them in the eyes God provided for me to see them in I began to see those that wronged me in a new light.

Ephesians 4:32And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

         I couldn't do anything else but forgive and love any and everyone that wronged me.  Christ forgive me daily, who am I not to forgive those that wrong me.


“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” Hebrews 10:35-36 KJV