I love the Lord with my whole heart

I started discipleship classes in January of this year, I felt like God was leading me  to get to know him deeper and trust him because I have TRUST ISSUES. I went through the steps first I took the class call The Cost of Discipleship for six weeks little things were happening to me and I kind of shrug them off.

Then I finished that class and bought my main discipleship book and was studying it daily, and meeting with my mentor, but soon after that big things started happening to me, I started changing and things started breaking down in my life. I was in a state of depression, anger, bitterness, lust, gave in to some temptations, low self-esteem, loss of my car, falling in and out of love, over eating, and lots of other things.

You know after going through most of the things I was going through I didn’t give up on what God kept telling me byt staying in his word. The worst part og going through it all was, I would meet with my Spiritual Mentor Frequently and soon after, our weekly meetings became shorter and shorter then it was some weeks of not meeting at all, I began to doubt if what I was doing for God was right and if it was for God at all!

I kept second guessing myself asking if everything I am doing if I am doing it for God and how do I know I am doing it for God because I just wanted to be a good person and not the person I once was.

God revealed to me

2 Timothy 1:7

⁷ For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

So I began to study more and more as I was forced into the trials I was going through, you know what kept me encouraged was I kept remembering it is someone going through something way worst than me! Not only that but God revealed to me about Jesus and what he went through!

Matthew 27:27-34, John 19

Mark 15:14-25

¹⁴ Then Pilate said unto them, Why, what evil hath he done? And they cried out the more exceedingly, Crucify him.

¹⁵ And so Pilate, willing to content the people, released Barabbas unto them, and delivered Jesus, when he had scourged him, to be crucified.

¹⁶ And the soldiers led him away into the hall, called Praetorium; and they call together the whole band.

¹⁷ And they clothed him with purple, and platted a crown of thorns, and put it about his head,

¹⁸ And began to salute him, Hail, King of the Jews!

¹⁹ And they smote him on the head with a reed, and did spit upon him, and bowing their knees worshipped him.

²⁰ And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple from him, and put his own clothes on him, and led him out to crucify him.

²¹ And they compel one Simon a Cyrenian, who passed by, coming out of the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to bear his cross.

²² And they bring him unto the place Golgotha, which is, being interpreted, The place of a skull.

²³ And they gave him to drink wine mingled with myrrh: but he received it not.

²⁴ And when they had crucified him, they parted his garments, casting lots upon them, what every man should take.

²⁵ And it was the third hour, and they crucified him.

After reading all of what Jesus went through, there was no way I could ever in life complain about anything I am going through ever!

I realized Jesus loved me when I didn’t love myself, when no other person in the world loved me but Jesus did love me. I knew I just wanted God’s will for me and nothing else!

Psalm 118:1-8

118 O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever. ² Let Israel now say, that his mercy endureth for ever. ³ Let the house of Aaron now say, that his mercy endureth for ever. ⁴ Let them now that fear the Lord say, that his mercy endureth for ever. ⁵ I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. ⁶ The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? ⁷ The Lord taketh my part with them that help me: therefore shall I see my desire upon them that hate me.⁸ It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.

I just kept trying to be encouraged even when temptation came my way. At times I would act on the temptation and go against God but I would repent and try not to do those things again, it’s a struggle for me at times not to do what I want because the fleshly me want what I want but the spiritual me want what God want for me!

Proverbs 3:3-8

³ Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:

⁴ So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

⁶ In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

⁷ Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

⁸ It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

The methods I used to be encouraged was reading God’s word, speaking the truth, listening to God’s word, removing myself from bitterness and bitter people but interacting with people God placed in my path that were on the righteous path.

Just the other day my mentor an dI were talking and she was like "You know all that time you were going through it Katie I was giving the devil too much power in your situation, I was reading the book of Exodus and realized God allows us to go throught these things so we could remember it was God that delivered us from our trials"
then that hit me what she said because prior to her and I talking I had just told my step dad I believe God allows us to go through certain situations and trials to grow our Trust, see our own strength and gain power through him!